翻译：斑驳的小屋
翻译：lynn910727
翻译：小蛮腰
校对：cazorp
后期：松子
人们问我 People ask me,
卡洛 你和布鲁斯 "Carole, how do you and Bruce
是如何让婚姻充满激情的 keep the spice in your marriage?"
我告诉他们 很简单 Well, I tell them it's really simple.
只要全力挑逗他 I'm just the ultimate tease.
我和布鲁斯其实很像 Me and Bruce, we're not that different.
都清楚自己要什么 We know what we want
也知道如何达到目的 We know how to get it.
比如他在争取的这次晋升 Like this promotion he's going for.
我们都知道他会胜出 We both know he'll win.
等到他成功那天 And when he does,
罗伯森一家 the Robertson household
将再次成为欢乐幸福的大家庭 is gonna be one big happy family again.
我没开玩笑 I kid you not.
吉米 Jimmy!
你他妈刚叫我什么 What did you just fucking call me?
把钱交出来就行了 小子 Just give us your money, mate.
他妈的快点 Fucking hurry up!
操你妈的 Fucking...
撤 Scatter.
苏格兰 Scotland.
这里诞生了电视 蒸汽机 高尔夫 This nation brought the world television, the steam engine, golf,
威士忌 青霉素 当然了 whisky, penicillin and, of course,
还有深度油炸巧克力棒 the deep fried Mars bar.
身为苏格兰人真是无上荣耀 It is great being Scottish.
我们是如此出类拔萃的成功民族 We're such a uniquely successful race.
正如我老婆卡洛所说 And as my wife Carole always says,
"世上无处胜家园" "There's no place like home."
你好吗 布鲁斯 谢了 You all right, Bruce? Thanks, pal.
日籍学生被杀
游戏总在继续 大家都是玩家 The games are always, repeat, always, being played
但我跟别人玩法不一样 but nobody plays the games like me,
我是布鲁斯·罗伯森警司 Detective Sergeant Bruce Robertson,
很快就是布鲁斯·罗伯森探长 soon to be Detective Inspector Bruce Robertson.
人总得努力做到最好 正如我一样 You just have to be the best, and I usually am.
游戏规则照旧 Same rules apply.
搞什么 What the fuck?
早 Morning.
好了 Right.
被害人是一名日籍男子 Our victim is a Japanese male
二十多岁 怎么了 彼得 in his early 20s... Yes, Peter?
抱歉 老大 就是个小细节 Sorry, boss, just a wee point.
是不是暂时先别把他定为受害者呢 Maybe we shouldn't stigmatise the guy by calling him a victim.
反正这可怜的亚洲佬已经挂了 Poor wee chinky bastard's dead.
现在称作什么都没关系 Doesn't matter what you call him now.
能分享下你在看的笑话吗 道吉 Care to share the joke with us, Dougie?
道吉·吉尔曼是最常见的苏格兰警察 Dougie Gillman is your average Scottish copper.
要是在60年前的荣耀德意志帝国 Sixty years ago in the glorious fucking Reich,
你们都会被做成手包 you'd be turned into handbags!
赔率5比1 吉尔曼是我晋升路上 At 5/1, Gillman poses a serious challenge
的重要障碍 to my promotion prospects.
所以跟其他人一样 必须得铲除他 So he, like the others, will have to be eliminated,
但首先要除掉的 starting with my main rival
是我的主要竞争对手 彼得·英格利斯 for the inspector's job, Peter Inglis.
英格利斯就是所谓的都市丽男 Inglis is what they call metrosexual...
但我觉得就他妈是个娘炮 赔率2比1 but what I call a fucking bufty. 2/1.
虽然没有找到身份证件 There was no positive ID,
但是伦诺克斯警官已经勘察过案发现场 but DS Lennox has been down at the murder scene.
雷·伦诺克斯是局里的新人 Ray Lennox, the department's rookie
但也是个瘾君子 and resident junkie.
我爱死这些了 I love the chang!
虽然对伦诺克斯来说 Even though Lennox is more interested in
上了办公室秘书 trying to bang the office secretary
比任何工作升迁都有趣 than any kind of career advancement,
但是对他的公开羞辱还是势在必行的 he'll still have to be publicly humiliated.
赔率20比1 20/1.
根据目前的法规 Official policy at the moment is...
什么事 格斯 Yes, Gus?
目前我党的路线是什么 老大 What is the party line, boss?
格斯·贝恩 基本没威胁 Gus Bain, bit of a long shot
因为他在局里一直平淡无闻 because he's not the sharpest tool in the box.
老师 我买了个新牙刷 I've got a new toothbrush, miss!
但也从没听说过低智商 But then, when did a single-figure iQ
会影响一个人在警局的发展啊 hold anybody back in the police force?
赔率7比1 7/1.
请参考德拉蒙德警探马上给大家下发的 In accordance with the description which Detective Drummond
书面报告 will presently hand out to you.
-谢谢 鲍勃 -"谢谢 鲍勃" - Thanks, Bob. - "Thanks, Bob."
要是托尔给马屁精阿曼达·德拉蒙德升职 That arse-kissing Amanda Drummond
她肯定立马帮他口出来 would suck Toal off right now if he promoted her.
当然了升职对她也没什么好处 Not that it would do her any good, of course,
因为局里那些屌丝警察 because some sad wanker from uniform
肯定会把这小骚货肚子搞大 is gonna impregnate the wee slag
那样她就不能 and that'll be her stint at
跟卡格尼还有莱西尽情爽了 playing Cagney and fucking Lacey well and truly over.
赔率10比1 10/1.
作为连接南北的脐带 The umbilical cord that connects the north and south...
脐带 Umbilical cord?
上次还说是个通道呢 你个臭傻逼 The last time I looked it was a tunnel, you fucking clown.
爱丁堡有个公开秘密就是 Edinburgh's worst kept secret is that
局长鲍勃·托尔立志成为编剧 Chief Inspector Bob Toal here has ambitions as a screenwriter.
一派胡言 第12稿 作者 罗伯特·托尔
要是这个死胖子能少做点好莱坞梦 If that lazy, fat fucker spent less time dreaming about Hollywood
多多提拔我 and more time promoting me,
那么这里的治安会更出色 then the streets would be safer for everybody.
之后他们把他当成垃圾一样 扔下不管 And they left him there, lying like a pile of rubbish.
-或许他本就是垃圾呢 -什么 - Maybe he was rubbish. - What?
当然是对那些袭击者而言 To the assailants, of course.
对 没错 Aye, that's it.
言听计从也许会让老大印象深刻 Your docile chat might impress the boss,
但对我的宿醉来说屁用没有 but it doesn't impress my fucking hangover.
我想给这群蠢驴传达的信息就是 I have got news for this herd of donkeys.
如果只有一匹马能赢得这场比赛 There is only one horse can win this race
那就是我 种马布鲁斯·罗伯森 and that horse is Bruce the Stallion Robertson.
好了 大家去查案吧 Right, crack on with it.
-留个步 布鲁斯 -是 老大 - Quick word, Bruce. - Yes, boss?
探长位置有人填补之前 Things are pretty stretched around here
大家办事都有点散漫 until we get the new DI position filled.
我想让你带头查这案子 I want you to head up the case.
虽然还有我在 但我还有其他事要忙 I'll be around, but I'll be tied up with other stuff.
所以虽然享受不到探长的待遇 So, you'll effectively be acting inspector,
但可以先充分体验下探长的工作 without the remuneration of course.
很遗憾你所有的休假都得取消了 All leave, unfortunately, will be cancelled,
不过这对你的升迁也有好处 but it'll stand you in good stead for the promotion
因为你会比其他竞争者更占优势 because you'll have the other contenders under you.
对女人来说 There's really nothing more seductive
没什么比权力更具诱惑力了 to a woman than power.
所以 等布鲁斯成功晋升之后 So, when Bruce gets his promotion,
我肯定舍不得放他下床 I won't be able to keep my hands off him.
罗伯森探长 Detective Inspector Robertson.
光这头衔就让我现在就想要了他 Even the sound of it makes me want him right now.
你就不担心现在这种时候去汉堡 Are you not worried if you bugger off to Hamburg
会影响你晋升吗 it'll go against you for the promotion then?
-晋升 -对啊 - Promotion? - Aye.
要不然呢 雷 What's the alternative, Ray?
难道我要牺牲所有假期就只为调查 I give up my holidays
那个被人弄死的 for some murdered Jap,
吃寿司唱K傻逼神风特攻队的小日本吗 kamikaze, sushi-eating, karaoke bastard?
怎么可能 No chance.
不过你老婆卡洛还真是体贴啊 罗伯 Well, you do have a very understanding wife in Carole, Robbo.
对啊 对啊 没错 Aye. Aye, that I do.
多希望我也有个那么体贴的老婆啊 I wish I had somebody like that.
会有的 雷 放心吧 I bet you do, Ray. I bet you do.
要不咱再找那个毒贩的小婊子 Tell you what, we'll have to get you another threesome organised
玩个3P 怎么样 with that wee skanky dealer's bird, won't we?
还记得吧 Do you remember that?
伦诺克斯最恨人提 Lennox hates to be reminded of the time
上次我俩一起干的那事儿了 we went tag team on that thing.
你进来了吗 小鸡巴 Have you even started yet, baby cock?
每个人心中都有不能触碰的伤 Everybody has got an Achilles' heel
我对这位同仁的伤可是记得清清楚楚 and I make a point in remembering my associates' ones.
你简直太猛了 雷 You were like an animal, Ray.
来了 那个非主流混混出现了 Oh, here we go. Here comes the schemie wee bastard now.
老天 看看那小妞的脸 Jesus Christ, look at the face on that wee lassie.
这就是活生生的儿童猥亵现场 That's a stoat-the-baw situation if ever I saw one.
不过这小妞屁股还真翘啊 That's a curvy little arse, though, mind.
别管什么翘屁股了 雷 Never you mind the curvy little arse on it, Ray.
她也太他妈小了 是吧 It's a bit fucking young, no?
她估计就快成年了 你看看 Ah, she's borderline, man. Come on.
-快成年了 -对啊 - Borderline? - Aye.
你喜欢那小妞吗 雷 Do you like wee lassies, Ray?
原来你喜欢飞机场 Are you into baldy fanny?
你说她快成年了是吧 Borderline, is it?
40块赌一把 5比1的赔率 40 sheets at 5/1 .
怎么样啊 5比1 Come on. 5/1?
算了 可能你说得对 你说得有道理 Ah, no, maybe you're right. You're right enough, man.
你还真是没种啊 雷 You have got absolutely no bottle, Ray.
就因为这样 That is exactly why
伦诺克斯家永远都比不过罗伯森家 the Lennoxes of this world will never oust the Robertsons.
我没开玩笑 亲爱的朋友 行动吧 I kid you not, my sweet, sweet friend. Come on!
那么 咱俩按照哪个剧本演 Right then, what's the script?
猛兽版 The Beast routine.
那也太生猛了吧 罗伯 It's a bit full-on, Robbo, no?
你就直接冲进去 You steam right in.
他们也只能理解这种 It's the only language
暴力直接的版本了 过来 these schemies understand, OK? Come here.
希望你能让这小杂种明白 I want you to show this bastard
这里到底谁是老大 好吗 who the hardest firm in this city really is, OK?
没人 没人比爱丁堡警察更牛叉 Nobody... Nobody steams in like the Edinburgh polis.
-上 -好 - Go. - Right.
稍等一下 Wait two seconds.
他肯定要上那小妞 我们抓他个现行 He'll be firing into her and we'll catch the stoat in action.
-抽一根来点好运 -我当班呢 - Another toot for good luck? - I'm on duty.
好 Aye.
他妈搞什么 这就来了 For God's sake, I'm coming!
-你俩是什么鸟 -耶和华见证人 - Who the fuck are you two? - Jehovah's fucking Witnesses.
快他妈闭嘴 听到没 Keep your fucking mouth shut. You hear me?
有话问你再开口 明白吗 You speak when you're fucking spoken to. You get it?
问你呢 明白了吗 I said, do you fucking get it?
明白 明白 明白 Aye, aye, aye!
-滚出去 -是位女士啊 - Get the fuck out! - Oh, a lady.
女士 你多大了 How old are you then, madam?
我先声明 我爸可是知名律师 My father's a very well respected lawyer, you know.
那你看看我怕不怕他 What does that make me then?
很好 几岁了 Very good. How old are we?
-16 -身份证呢 - Sixteen. - ID?
别想 No, you don't.
请注意 Please note,
低于法定年龄的女性不得发生性行为 female is below the legal age of consent.
斯蒂芬妮·唐纳森 Stephanie Donaldson.
不会刚好跟皇家律师康拉德·唐纳森有什么关系吧 No relation to Conrad Donaldson QC by any chance, are we?
猜对了 Bingo.
猜猜你老爸会作何反应 Imagine what your daddy would say.
请别跟他说 Please don't say anything.
用什么交换呢 斯蒂芬妮 口一发 What's it worth, Stephanie? A gam?
你猜要是你爸的那些上流朋友 Can you imagine what his posh pals would say
发现他的小公主 if they found out that his wee princess
在跟他每天拿了钱收拾的底层人渣胡搞 was riding all the low-life scum
他们会怎么说 he gets paid fortunes for to keep out the nick?
你想这么对他吗 Do you want to do that to him?
操 我的妈啊 Fucking hell! Jesus Christ!
这些技巧都是谁教你的 Who taught you that technique?
你在用牙刨芝士吗 A fucking cheesegrater?
既然你这么没诚意 I've got a good mind to tell your daddy now anyway
我还是决定告诉你爸 after that poor excuse of an attempt.
求你了 别告诉他 这他妈不公平 Please, don't. That's not fucking fair!
-她说她18岁 -哎哟 是吗 - She told me she was 18. - Oh, dearie, dearie me.
如今跟未成年做没什么好下场吧 是吗 It's not the best time to be inside for riding kids, is it?
说的没错 但他顶多也就判个半年吧 I make you right. Still, he's only gonna do six months.
不过她家比较有地位 Ah, posh fanny, though.
这样啊 能判两年 Fair enough. Two years then.
问题是 如果某些奉公执法的警官报告给 Problem is, if some law-abiding officers
像罗尼·麦克阿瑟那么严苛的共济会成员 were to tell a strict Freemason screw like Ronnie McArthur.
只有白人贵族和上层资产阶级可以入会的准宗教兄弟会组织
告诉他涉案女孩只有10或11岁 That the girl in question was 11 or 10
甚至只有8岁的话 Or even eight.
怎么能这样呢 两位 Hey, come on, now, boys, eh?
嗯 8岁好 Aye, eight would do it.
那这傻逼就没什么活路了 对吧 Then the poor cunt's life wouldn't be worth living, would it?
直接关去索顿监狱的性罪犯区了 Straight to the Beast's wing in Saughton nick.
没错 不过稍等一下 Aye, but hang on a minute.
如果这个儿童猥亵犯 Suppose this stoat-the-baw had certain information
刚好能为这两个人民警察提供一些 that could help the law-abiding officers.
-关于杀人案件的消息 -我的妈 - With a murder enquiry. - Ah, fuck sake.
不 我不会告密的 Nah, I'm not a grasser.
好吧 奥基 有这么个人 Right, see, Ocky, there's this one guy
被关在性罪犯区 大家都称他为"猛兽" in the Beast's wing that they call The Beast.
-猛兽 -不不不 不是普通猛兽 - The Beast? - No, no, no, no, not the Beast.
-而是 -传说中的"猛兽" - The... - ...Beast.
其实他真不该被关到普通监狱里 Shouldn't really be inside a normal prison, to be fair.
没错 但上次他从精神病院跑出来 No, but the last time he escaped from a mental institution
当地牲畜首当其冲成为了发泄工具 the local livestock bore the brunt of his frustrations.
听说一头高地牛都被他干死了 Fucked a Highland cow to death, so they say.
牛角都被扯下来了 Tore the horns clean off the poor bastard.
罗尼说唯一能让"猛兽"不发疯的方法 Ronnie says the only way they can keep The Beast quiet
就是每隔几周往他的牢房里送一个新人 is by putting a new model in his cell every few weeks.
-新人 -没错 - A model? - Aye.
罗尼他们 That's what Ronnie and all the boys
就管新进的囚犯叫新人 call the fresh-faced laddies they send him.
估计也是进去挨操的吧 Supposed to be a big fucker as well.
你妈的别碰他 给我站直 You get your fucking hands off him and you stand up straight.
那人近两米高 肌肉发达而且是个聋子 6'4", full of muscle and deaf as a post.
他聋不聋又有什么关系 What's deaf got to do with it?
那样你喊"不"的时候 他就听不到了 Cos he can't hear you when you're screaming "No".
-罗尼说他简直大得像种马 -没错 - Hung like a Derby winner, so Ronnie says. - Aye.
而且每次都是新人一来就开始干 Splits them all first time without fail.
还有一件事 One thing's certain,
你出来的时候会多出五个屁眼 小子 you'd come out of there with five new arseholes, pal.
前提是你能撑到出来 That's if you ever do come out after an experience like that.
怎么说 奥基 So what's it gonna be, Ocky?
-是吐点消息 -还是铐上 - Grass up? - Or lock up?
这就对了 小子 There you go, pal.
别抽烟了 好吧 You stop smoking, OK?
-爽 -没错 喜欢这样吗 - Yes! - That's it. Do you love it?
-没错 -太爽了 - That's it. - Oh, yes!
做得好 勒紧我 卡洛 来吧 That's it. Turn off my gas, Carole. Go.
继续 继续 继续 Go. Go! Go!
你说爱上我是真的吗 Did you really mean what you said about falling in love with me?
你就是个蠢娘们 知道吗 You're a fucking cow, do you know that?
咱俩轮流在窒息中寻找快感 We have been turning off the gas for each other
而且你是我同事的老婆 and you are a work mate's missus.
所以你知道在我眼里你是什么吗 So, do you know what that makes you in my book?
知道吗 你就是个蠢娘们 Do ya? It makes you a fucking cow.
-你怎么这样 -因为 因为亲爱的 - Why are you being like this? - Because... Because, darlin',
你让我插进这里 还让我进到那里 you let me in here and you let me in there.
但你没能让我进入心里 只有那才是爱 You don't let me in here. And that's what love is.
这算什么 这算什么 What was all that? What was all that?
那让人欲仙欲死的是什么 What was all that fucking good stuff, eh?
只是玩玩 不是吗 That was all just games, weren't it?
可悲可怜的游戏而已 Sad, silly wee games.
你也可以看作是一个测试 A test if you will.
一个你不幸没能通过的测试 A test which you have sadly and miserably failed.
你为什么跟我说这些 Why are you saying all this?
还有你为什么对着我喊你老婆名字 And why did you call me by your wife's name?
你说你爱的是我 不是卡洛 You said you loved me, not Carole.
我希望你好好地 仔细地 I need you to take a good, long,
努力地想一想到底是哪种感觉 好吗 hard think about what feelings actually are, OK?
因为如果你要我填补空虚 小菜一碟 Because, if you want me to fix your head, easy-peasy Japanesey,
但只有你 只有你自己能填补内心 but only you... only you can get in touch with your heart.
-但是 布鲁斯 -如果你想找人做爱 - But, Bruce... - If you want a fucking,
想找人操找人骑 找我就对了 if you want a shagging and a riding, I'm your man.
不过我得告诉你 However, I've got to inform you,
我觉得这有点不道德 I find all this just a little bit sordid.
而且我能想象如果可怜的道吉发现 And I can only imagine how much this would hurt poor old Dougie
咱俩在他的床上做爱 他会多受伤 if he found out. In his own fucking bed, Christ!
布鲁斯 别走 我们谈谈 Bruce, please stay. We need to talk.
不行 我还有谋杀案要查 No! I am on a murder case here.
是谋 杀 案 件 That's M-U-R-D-E-R,
也就是说很 严 重 which spells S-E-R-I-O-U-S.
所以 如果我不努 力 查 案的话 So, if I don't get my A-R-S-E in G-E-A-R,
我就死 定 了 明白 I am in serious S-H-I-T, OK?
你好残忍 You're being so cruel.
爱是残忍的 克里西 Love is cruel, Chrissie.
爱就是残忍的 Love is cruel.
我觉得她还和别的男人上床了 罗伯 I think she's fucking somebody else as well, Robbo.
不不不不 No, no, no, no.
简直让我痛不欲生 It's killing me
因为我根本没证据 我还能算个警探吗 because I can't even prove it. Some detective me, eh?
听我说 听我说 听我说 Listen, listen, listen.
你家克里西对你很忠诚的 Your Chrissie is about as loyal as they come.
-扯淡吧 -算了 算了 - Ah, fuck off. - Come on, now. Come on.
开心点 And cheer the fuck up.
你最有希望升任探长了 你知道吗 You know you're the favourite for the Chief Inspector position?
你觉得是吗 You reckon?
你很幸运 卡洛也很好 Hey, you're lucky. Carole's great.
还是个美人 She's a real beauty as well.
对 这点我不得不承认 Aye. I'd say you're right on that.
-你俩还那么和谐吗 -再和谐不过了 - You two still as happy as ever? - Couldn't be happier.
多大了 你家 How old's...
7岁 史黛西7岁 Seven. Stacey's seven.
叫史黛西 对 Stacey, aye.
-原来你们在这里 -格斯 - Here are the lads. - Gus.
感谢老天 快点 Thank Christ. Come on,
治安官来了 给我们来两杯 sheriff's in town. Give us two.
这就对了 真不错 Just the stuff, huh. That'll do nicely.
您和尊夫人怎么样 And how's that wife of yours keeping then?
每天都是情人节啊 Every day is Valentine's Day.
看来你就是丘比特啊 And you'd be Cupid, aye?
没错我就是 罗伯 I'm the very boy, Robbo.
-厉害 厉害啊 -我就是丘比特 - Some man, some man. - I'm the very boy.
我该回家了 各位 Well, I'd better be going home then, boys.
好的 照顾好自己 哥们 Right enough. Take care of yourself then, pal.
他怎么了 What's up with him?
那人从来都爱背后说人坏话 Never got a good word to say about anybody, that guy.
谁 道吉·吉尔曼吗 Who, Dougie Gillman?
睁着眼睛说你瞎话 Stab you in the back without even thinking about it.
他是天主教徒 Catholic, you see.
说起来 新来的小伙子雷·伦诺克斯 Saying that, look at young Ray Lennox there.
他跟我俩一样都是新教徒 不过 He's as Protestant as you and I, and yet...
我还是不说了 真的 Better no' say anything, actually.
他这人 算了 He's... Nah.
别啊 继续说啊 罗伯 Oh, no, go on, Robbo.
不了 挺好一小伙 挺好的 No, he's a good boy, he's a good boy.
继续说啊 继续说啊 Oh, go on. Go on.
你看他来这儿了吗 Do you see him in here?
看都不用看 I don't even have to look around
就知道他不在这儿 and I know that the answer is no.
跟你3比1的赔率赌 It's 3/1,
他肯定在那个诡异的红酒吧 he's in that deviant wine bar
跟拉拉阿曼达·德拉蒙德一起 with the lesbian Amanda Drummond,
不知道动什么鬼脑筋呢 cooking up all sorts of shenanigans.
你还真是差劲 罗伯 Oh, you're an awful man, Robbo.
你觉得 What do you think
他们会聊什么话题 the main topic of conversation between them is gonna be?
你啊 You.
也可能是我 Maybe me.
晋升啊 就因为那个啊 朋友 Promotion. That's what, my friend.
你是说伦诺克斯 You think young Lennox is
是个两面三刀的人 running with the hounds and hunting with the hares?
这可不是我说的啊 格斯 You said it, Gus.
看来我还得好好防着点那小兔崽子 I better keep a beady eye on that wee bastard.
我可不想让他破坏现有的晋升规矩 Don't want him spoiling the old promotion chances.
那肯定不能 Christ, no.
加油啊 加油啊 加油哈茨[足球俱乐部] Come on, come on, come on the Hearts.
你也是球迷吗 老兄 Are you a big fan then, mate?
-没错 哥们 -我也是 - I am indeed, pal. - So am I.
让我猜一下 你马上要说自己以前也踢 Let me guess, here comes the bit about you being one as well.
从小时候跟着爷爷跑的时候就开始了 Ever since your granddaddy took you as a wee laddie.
如此这般地扯一堆废话 Blah, blah, pish and shite.
人才市场在那边 圣诞老公公 Job Centre's that way, Santa sweetheart.
还是祝你圣诞快乐 哥们 Merry Christmas anyway, pal.
不过听说今年圣诞会很冷 提醒你 I heard it's gonna be a cold one, mind you.
祝你今天愉快 Have a nice day.
2比1 踢得漂亮 加油 Oh, 2-1 . You fucking beauty! Come on.
科林 科林 你怎么了 Colin! Colin, come on!
饶了我吧 Oh, for fuck's sake!
救命啊 来人啊 救命 Please help. Somebody, please.
让开 让开 我是警察 Out my way, out my way. I'm police.
怎么回事 有人叫救护车了吗 Hey, what's happening? Has anybody called an ambulance yet?
-科林 看着我 -他停止呼吸了吗 - Colin, look at me. - Has he stopped breathing?
救救他 求你了 救救他 Do something, please. Do something.
醒过来啊 科林 Come on, Colin.
科林 科林 Colin. Colin.
看着我 快睁开眼睛 Look at me. Come on.
科林 科林 快醒醒 Colin! Colin, come on!
快醒醒 Come on!
天哪 Oh, God.
他妈的救护车怎么还不来 What's happened to that fucking ambulance then, eh?
-老天啊 -打电话叫救护车 - Oh, God! - Somebody phone an ambulance!
上次咱们聊过之后你怎么样了 布鲁斯 How have you been since our last consultation, Bruce?
应该没什么问题了吧 No problems, I presume, eh?
没问题 None.
你还定时定量吃药吧 是吗 I trust you're still taking your medication regularly, yes?
是的 Oh, aye.
这些应该够你吃到下次治疗 好吗 Well, this should see you through to your next appointment, yes?
明年见了 I'll see you in the new year.
好吗 Right?
祝你圣诞快乐 布鲁斯 Merry Christmas to you, Bruce.
谢谢你 罗西医生 谢谢 Thank you, Dr Rossi. Thank you.
也祝你圣诞快乐 And Merry Christmas to you, too, eh?
谢谢了 布鲁斯 Well, thank you for that, Bruce.
太爽了 Ah, feels so good.
滚一边去 Fuck off!
弗兰克·西德博特姆的奇幻脱口秀
大家好 Hello.
欢迎收看《奇幻脱口秀》 Welcome to the Fantastic Shed Show.
我妈在家 My mum's in.
要是她听到我在院子里录电视节目 If she hears that I'm doing a TV show out in the garden,
她肯定会疯的 she'll go mad.
骚蹄子邦蒂 骚蹄子邦蒂 Cunty Bunty, Cunty Bunty,
你的小穴发育得怎么样 how does your big minge grow?
-你好 -你好 邦蒂 - Hello? - Hello, Bunty.
我是弗兰克·西德博特姆 It's Frank Sidebottom here.
我已经受够你了 I've had just about enough of you.
他已经告诉我们了 He told us, right, that you
你下面又肥毛又多 邦蒂 have got a big hairy fanny, though, Bunty.
-你真可悲 -还说 - You're pathetic! - That you...
你喜欢肛交 邦蒂 like to take it up the bum, Bunty.
-谁告诉你这些鬼话的 -是 - Who told you that nonsense? - Eh...
你准备好了吗 小弗兰克 Are you ready, Little Frank?
小弗兰克 Little Frank.
小弗兰克是谁 Who's Little Frank?
我不能再说了 邦蒂 我得 I'm not talking any more, Bunty, I've got...
-是你吗 老妈 -是我妈 - Is that you, Mum? - Oh, it's my mum.
没 我没有又给饥渴的妓女打电话 No, I'm not talking to dirty prostitutes again,
妈妈 你不能抢我的电话 Mum. You can't have the phone...
感谢各位兄弟 Thank you, brothers.
今晚的议程和会议 That concludes the formal part
现在正式结束 of this evening's proceedings and our meeting.
接下来让我们享受这安宁和谐的时刻吧 Let us now retire for a moment of harmony.
你为什么会当警察呢 布鲁斯 What made you join the force, bruce?
当警察可以作威作福啊 老兄 Police oppression, brother.
在我长大的矿区 I'd witnessed far too many cases of it
我见了太多这样的事情了 in the mining community I grew up in.
你想从内部改变这样的风气 And you wanted to stamp it out from the inside?
不 我想融入其中 No, I wanted to be a part of it.
你还真是个坏人 布鲁斯 You're a terror, Bruce.
克利福德·布雷兹是一名注册会计师 Clifford Blades, a chartered accountant
也是个可悲的二逼 and therefore a sad wanker.
布雷西不仅是工会 Bladesey's not only the newest
最新且最容易受骗的会员 and most gullible member of this Lodge,
也是最有钱的会员 he's also the wealthiest.
游戏的理想目标 游戏规则照旧 Ideal target practice for the games. Same rules apply.
所以工会才这么适合我 布鲁斯 And that's why the Craft's been so good for me, Bruce.
人人平等 Everyone's accepted.
不扯闲话了 Enough of that shite.
家里那事处理得怎么样了 布雷西 Are you getting any at home, Bladesey?
没有任何进展 Well, that side of things hasn't improved.
那变态还是一直给邦蒂打电话 This crank caller just won't stop phoning Bunty.
已经渐渐影响到她了 你懂的 It's affecting her, you know...
女人嘛 你就得按时干她 Thing about women, you have to shag them regularly.
不停地上她 You keep them fucked, man,
她能为你做任何事 they will do absolutely anything for you.
其实也就两件事 给你骑 给你操 Actually, two things. Well shod, well shagged.
你也是这么对你老婆的吗 布鲁斯 And that's what you do with your wife, Bruce?
当然没错了 Course it fucking is.
那些傻逼婚姻咨询师 See, these marriage counselling fucking spastics,
只会跟你扯一堆废话 they will tell you a load of shite.
婚姻问题的根源永远 永远都与性有关 The root of any marital problem is always, always sexual.
要是你不干自己女人 就会产生那种 If you're no' fucking the woman you're with, it opens this...
-空虚感 -空虚感 没有错 - Vacuum. - ...vacuum, which sure as fuck
其他人就会来填补 some other cunt is gonna come and fill,
用各种型号的苏格兰肉棒 and fill with several inches of
来填补 布雷兹老兄 prime Scottish beef, Brother Blades.
同时 如果她也满足不了你的需求 And, you see, if she's no' doing the same for you,
你也会去别的地方偷腥的 都一样 you go and get it somewhere else, just like that.
我得承认 我很期待我们的汉堡之行 I must say, I'm looking forward to our little trip to Hamburg.
-我也是 哥们 -有不错的博物馆 - Me too, pal. - Some nice museums.
各种妓女 Prostitutes.
不同肤色 不同体型 不同身材 Of all colours, shapes and sizes.
-干杯 -干杯 - Sláinte. - Sláinte.
抱歉 布鲁斯 我得去方便一下 Excuse me, Bruce. I have to spend a penny.
去吧 哥们 别掉进去就行 Go for your life, pal. Don't fall in.
老规矩吗 罗伯森老弟 Will it be the usual, Brother Robertson?
是的 拜托了 赫克托 Oh, yes, please, Hector.
那就周末我家见了 I'll see you at my place on the weekend then.
没问题 Okey-dokey.
老变态 Fucking pervert.
看来今晚你独自一人啊 罗伯森老弟 Ah, on your own tonight then, Brother Robertson?
很庆幸 我不是 托尔老兄 No, thankfully not, Brother Toal.
我刚好过来见见克利福德·布雷兹 I just popped in to see Clifford Blades.
你错过机会了 You've just missed him.
你跟布雷兹老兄 Well, aren't you and Brother Blades
不已经是好兄好弟了吗 becoming quite the bosom buddies?
志趣相投而已 Oh, birds of a feather and all that.
说到布雷兹老兄 Talking of Brother Blades,
警局那些没用的东西 have those useless clowns from uniform
找到给他老婆打骚扰电话的变态了吗 found this pervert who keeps phoning his wife?
不幸的是还没有 头儿 没有 Regrettably not, sir, no.
一群废物 Spastics!
是啊 Aye.
你要不要查一下这个案子 布鲁斯 Look, would you mind overseeing it, Bruce?
一般这类琐事我不会让你去做 I wouldn't normally ask with something so trivial,
但克利福德·布雷兹是工会 but we just can't afford to be seen
这么重要的捐赠人 to be not taking care of
如果我再不管不问的话 such a potentially important benefactor
实在说不过去 to the lodge as Clifford Blades.
只要对工会好 就是对警局好 对吧 And what's good for the lodge is good for the polis, eh?
这也是你能争取的另一个加分点 And another little brownie point for the promotion,
罗伯森老弟 Brother Robertson.
嘘 托尔 嘘嘘嘘 Hush-hush, Toal. Hush-hush.
你就放心把布雷兹夫妇交给我吧 Just you leave Mr and Mrs Blades in my safe hands,
好吗 托尔老兄 OK, Brother Toal?
你怎么就能把200镑弄丢了呢 How can you just misplace ￡200?
要是我发现你还有别的女人 克利福德 If I find out there's another woman involved, Clifford...
宝贝儿 这是布鲁斯 This is Bruce,
我跟你提过的那个警探朋友 the detective friend I was telling you about, dear.
克利福德啊 Well, well, Clifford!
你可从来没提过家里藏着如此美人 You never told me you were hiding such a beautiful specimen.
真是鲜花插在牛粪上啊 小子 You are punching above your weight, champ.
就是你要在共济会周末 You're the one who's taking Clifford
带克利福德去斯卡伯勒吗 on this Masons' weekend to Scarborough, right?
斯卡 Sc...
对 我是要带他去斯卡伯勒 Aye, I am taking him to Scarborough.
很高兴见到你 邦蒂 It's a pleasure to meet you, Bunty.
请坐 我们谈谈正事 Please, to business.
我理解这些恶作剧电话有多让人不安 I understand how unsettling these prank calls must be to you,
但我希望你能勇敢些 but I would ask you to be brave.
过去我也对付过此类人渣 I've dealt with this kind of scum in the past
我可以告诉你 他们都是光说不做 and I can tell you, they're all mouth and no trousers.
不过 朝他摔电话 However, slamming the phone down on him
只会让他愈发觉得刺激 明白吗 is only going to encourage him, OK?
如果我认为他是我认为的那种人 And if I know this guy like I think I know this guy,
那他就是那种人 he's gonna like that.
所以我希望你适当纵容他一下 So I need you to indulge him a little bit.
他很快就不缠你了 He'll soon come unstuck.
但你同事让我不要顺从他 But your uniformed colleague said not to encourage him.
没错 是这样的 对缺乏经验的 Oh, aye. No, we tell the younger,
年轻警察都是这么说的 没错 less experienced officers that, aye.
通常这样能暂时遏制住他们 And it usually makes the deprecate stop.
但你要是希望他被绳之以法 However, if you're wanting the man caught...
我当然要他被抓起来 I want him caught all right.
我要让这混蛋遭罪受 I want that bastard to suffer!
很好 Excellent.
既然这样的话 我建议你配合一下 Well, in that case, I suggest you play along.
告诉他你的事情 你喜欢什么 Tell him something about yourself. What you like.
加大力度 反扑回去 Up the stakes. Let hunter become hunted.
我们一定不让这个阴险小人好过 We'll nail this slimy bastard for you,
克利福德 没事的 Clifford, no danger.
邦蒂 会抓到他的 我保证 Bunty, we're gonna get him. I can promise you that.
现在 该你照顾好这位勇敢的女士了 Now, I want you to look after that brave, brave woman.
会的 布鲁斯 我会的 Oh, I will, Bruce, I will.
布鲁斯 我对你的感激之情难以言表 I can't tell you how grateful I am, Bruce.
你就感谢你丈夫吧 Oh, you just thank your hubby here.
患难真朋友 对吧 布雷西 Low friends in high places, eh, Bladesey boy?
简单聊几句吗 头儿 A quick word, sir?
布鲁斯 案子进展怎么样了 Bruce. How goes the case?
-其实相当老生常谈啊 鲍勃 -嗯 - Aye, fairly cut and dried actually, Bob. - Aye.
有个臭名远扬的小混混 A well-known, nasty little mob
被一个愿意出面的线人指认了 所以 have been fingered by a willing informant, so it's...
新海报嘛 New poster.
所以我们要做的就是收集必要证据 Just a case of gathering the necessary evidence.
-我和格斯监视着呢 -很好 - Me and Gus are on surveillance. - Good.
政治方面已经交涉过了 The political thing has died a death now
报纸对案子也没什么兴趣了 and the papers have got bored with it.
外国佬毕竟是外国佬啊 罗伯森老弟 A wog's a wog for all that, eh, Brother Robertson?
我可什么都没说 托尔老兄 You said it, Brother Toal.
是你说的 不是我 Your words, not mine.
对了 关于我的德国骑行之旅 头儿 Right, about my cycling trip to Germany, sir.
虽然眼下案子的进展 Oh, I can't say I'm pulling handkerchiefs
还不能让我们高枕无忧 out of my arse at the prospect
但我觉得耽误几天也不会影响太多 but I suppose a few days won't put us too far behind.
卡洛对你临近圣诞出远门 What does Carole have to say about you going away
没说些什么吗 so close to Christmas?
她和史黛西光顾着期待 Oh, her and Stacey are just looking forward
给她们准备的礼物呢 to their big presents.
每次出门回来都会带点好东西 I always bring them back something nice,
所以她们从来都不介意的 so there's never any problem.
所以在家你掌权了 罗伯 You're the boss at home, then, Robbo?
家里从上到下都得听我的 Man of the fucking house and all that.
很好 那么 Quite. OK...
记得走之前跟阿曼达·德拉蒙德交接 Just make sure you brief Amanda Drummond before you go.
你真的认为她有种 Do you really think she's got the balls
在我出门的时候主持大局吗 to take over the reins in my absence?
我觉得还是把职权暂时委任给 Think I'd rather hand temporary control
格斯·贝恩吧 你没意见的话 over to Gus Bain if you don't mind.
就只是这几天而已 It's only for a short while
而且她也需要经验嘛 and she needs the experience anyway.
他妈的凭什么她就能不穿制服 How the fuck did she ever get out of uniform?
跟托尔上床啊 就这么办到的 By shagging Toal, that's how.
不是吧 No!
听着 女人脱掉裤子 就能升职 See, every time a woman drops her trousers, promotion.
男人脱掉裤子 就等着纪律处分吧 Every time a man drops theirs, disciplinary action.
公道在哪里 Where's the equality in that?
出现了 这就是我们要找的蠢货 Bingo! There's the fucker we're after.
不不 你在这儿等着 格斯 No, no, just you wait there, Gus, OK?
没必要成群结队地去 好吗 No point going in mob-handed.
好吧 OK.
我要买花 Wanna buy some flowers.
有什么能帮您的吗 先生 Can I help you, sir?
生意如何啊 How's business?
我觉得还不错吧 All right, I suppose.
是吗 我刚看见一个男的空手出去了 Really? I just seen a man leave empty-handed.
-他什么也没看中吗 -没有 - No' have anything in his line, no? - No.
-那他是谁 -想要买玫瑰的男人罢了 - Who was he? - Just some guy after roses.
估计他改主意了 I guess he changed his mind.
-我在哪见过你吗 -没有 - Do I know you from somewhere? - No.
你没有 你他妈肯定没见过我 No, you don't. No, you fucking don't.
-我做错什么了 -浪费警察时间 - What have I done wrong? - Wasting police time,
知情不报 还极有可能窝藏谋杀嫌疑人 with holding information and possibly harbouring a murder suspect.
-狗屁 -你他妈最好供出实情 - That's shit. - You will fucking cough up
不然我对天发誓 or I swear to God
你他妈以后在高登谷监狱填充玩具娃娃 you will be stuffing cuddly toys in Corton Vale Prison
会比现在捆束水仙花要熟练得多 faster than you can tie a bunch of fucking daffodils.
又或者 Or maybe...
或者可以让我的"球茎" maybe you would rather
伸进你的"郁金香" get your tulips around my bulbs.
你喜欢那样吗 Would you like that?
我猜你会喜欢的 I think you would.
听着 他就是我在夜店认识的一个人 Look, he's just a guy I know from the clubs.
他走进来聊了聊音乐 仅此而已 He comes in to talk about music and that is all.
所以你跟你的小男友 So, are you and your wee boyfriend
就是个音乐鉴赏兴趣小组吗 just a two-man musical appreciation society then?
你他妈是这个意思吗 Is that what you're fucking telling me?
说真的 他不是我男朋友 He's not my boyfriend, honest.
希望不是 I hope not.
也是为他好 你这肥婆 For his sake, you fat bastard.
-看路啊 -对不起 - Watch where you're... - Sorry.
你好 Hello. Eh...
你没事吧 How are you?
还行 我过来取花的 Yeah, I'm just going to pick the flowers up.
-葬礼是在今天吗 -是的 - Oh, what, is the funeral today, aye? - Yeah.
那是你订的花圈吗 写着"爸爸"那个 Right. Was that your wreath? The one that says "Dad"?
是的 Yeah.
你有几个孩子 How many kids have you got?
就一个儿子 还小 Just one, a wee boy.
你有失去过亲近的人吗 You ever lost anyone close?
好像身处地狱一样 对吗 Hurts like hell, eh?
听着 我得走了 Listen, I've got to go.
真的很抱歉 但我要走了 I'm really sorry, I've got to go.
戴维 Davie?
操 Fuck!
布鲁斯 听说你有点痛苦 对吗 Ah, Bruce, I hear you have a pain, yes?
太痛苦了 医生 Oh, a pain indeed, Doctor.
是生理上的痛苦 对吗 And would this pain be one of your physical pains, yes?
不是 医生 是另一种 No, Doctor, my other kind.
这趟缓解痛苦的列车终点站 Well, the final destination of the pain recovery train
是自我恢复站 途经节制站 布鲁斯 is Self-help via Abstinence, Bruce, eh?
我已经提前订好座位了 I've already booked my seat in advance.
一如既往的特价票 Super-saver all the same.
不再向布鲁斯提供可卡因和薯条套餐 No more cocaine and chip suppers for Bruce, eh?
这几样可是我 Oh, those items were previously favourites
以前的最爱啊 of the Detective Sergeant,
毫无疑问 of course they were.
那这次的晋升呢 And what of this promotion, eh?
走形式而已 我确信 A mere formality, I'm sure.
只有胜者可以改写历史 对吗 Only champions can rewrite history, yes?
对 我一直坚信只有赢才是最重要的 Yes, I've always believed that it's the winning that's important,
而不是重在参与 not the taking part.
只有赢家才对异性更有吸引力 Only winners are more attractive to the opposite sex,
布鲁斯 是吗 Bruce, eh?
就像这位成功的小伙伴 绦虫 Like our successful friend here, the tapeworm.
对吗 Yes?
我们相信谁 布鲁斯 Who do we trust, Bruce?
怎么 当然谁都不信 Why, no one, of course.
不要相信你的朋友 你的家人 Not your friends, not your family,
甚至你自己 布鲁斯 not even yourself, Bruce.
尤其不要相信你自己 Especially not yourself, eh?
好了 关于你的痛苦 Now, about that pain...
对了 Yes!
拜托 大家伙 给我硬起来 Come on, big man, you stiffen up.
快啊 大家伙 他妈给我硬啊 Come on, big man, you fucking stiffen.
快啊 大家伙 他妈给我硬起来 Come on, big man, you fucking stiffen...
操你妈 操 Fucking, fucking!
没用的丑东西 Ugly little fucking slag.
淫荡的死娘炮 Dirty poofy bastard.
彼得·英格利斯爱吃鸡巴
彼得 彼得 你看见男厕所里的 Peter. Peter, have you seen the graffiti
涂鸦了吗 in the men's toilets?
写什么 没有 What? No.
某个猥琐的混蛋写了一些 Some nasty little bastard has written something which,
这么说好了 质疑你的性向 well, let's just say, questions your sexuality.
这种事无法避免的 Well, there's always something or other.
我已经不会为此困扰了 布鲁斯 I don't let it bother me any more, Bruce.
太蠢了 It's silly.
拜托 老弟 你选我当你的工会代表 Oh, come on, man. You elected me your union representative
所以这事我一定要管 so I have to let it bother me
我不能再让你的形象 and I can't have your character
被人用这种下作的手段破坏了 defamed in this outrageous manner any longer.
我要直接去找托尔 I'm going straight to Toal.
不不 没事的 布鲁斯 No, no, you're all right, Bruce.
我这就去擦掉 I'll just go and clean it off.
这里有人在装傻充愣 Somebody is playing silly billies here.
-整天搞些有的没的 -我希望 - Such a load of bloody nonsense. - And I just hope...
我希望 I just hope
别让我发现是谁干的 I don't find out who.
头儿 头儿 你过来看看 Gaffer? Gaffer, I want you to come and see
有人弄了些下流恶俗的涂鸦 some more of this disgusting graffiti
是针对可怜的彼得·英格利斯的 that's been written about poor Peter Inglis.
我没这闲工夫去 I don't have time for every...
作为警署的一员 As fed rep
我不希望看到任何一个警员被侮辱 I don't have time to see a fellow officer humiliated.
当然了 听着 罗伯 Of course. Listen, Robbo...
-彼得不是 -什么 头儿 - Peter isn't... - What, sir?
你得小心接下来的措辞 头儿 You're gonna have to be careful what you say here, sir.
他并不像涂鸦说的那样 He isn't like the graffiti says...
是吗 Is he?
那完全是他的私事 Whether he is or isn't is entirely his own business,
但现在他被骚扰了 but he's being harassed
而且在性取向问题上 and we operate a non-discriminatory policy
我们贯彻的是不歧视政策 on the grounds of sexual orientation.
如果他不是真的... 就不存在被骚扰 But he can't be sexually harassed if he's not really, well...
不是什么 头儿 What, sir?
同志 我想这是近来最潮的词了 Gay, I think the fashionable term for it is these days.
他的私生活是他自己的事 What he gets up to privately is his own business.
老实告诉你 To be honest with you,
我并不怎么了解那小子 但是 I don't even know that much about the chap, but... Oh.
这种欺辱 这种欺辱该结束了 This bullying... This bullying has to stop.
你走她后门了吗 Did you do her up the arse?
不然还能插哪 基佬才从前面上 Where else is there? Pussy's for faggots.
好了 快点 Right, come on,
去查查戈尔曼和他小男友的底细 let's go and see what Gorman and his wee boyfriend are made of.
你想知道的那些人的信息 Everything you need to know about those guys
都在这瓶子里了 亲爱的 are in the jars, darling.
-如假包换的DNA啊 -我的天 - DN-fucking-A, man. Really? - Jesus Christ.
梅齐 非常感谢 Maisie, gratitude.
看见没 这就是当警察的好处 雷 See, this is the wonderful thing about being polis, Ray.
人人都对你的贪婪欲望感到厌恶也无所谓 Doesn't really matter if everybody hates your guts
他们仍然会对着你挤出礼貌的表情 as long as they're civil to your fucking face.
说的对吗 梅齐 Is that no' right, Maisie?
游戏规则照旧 亲爱的 Same rules apply, darling.
游戏规则照旧 Same rules apply.
听着 梅齐会教你些妈妈不会教的东西 See, Maisie here would teach you things your mother wouldn't.
我现在只为爱的人这么做了 乖儿子 I only do it for love now, son.
你要是改主意了 这小子最适合了 If you change your mind, this is the boy for the job.
作为一匹年轻的种马 Getting quite the reputation
他可是广受好评的 是吗 老弟 as a young stallion, aren't you, pal, eh?
好了 我们得走了 Right, we'd better be off-ski.
还有圣诞派对等着呢 We've got the Christmas party.
天哪 我可从没想过有一天 Christ, I never thought
我离开窑子的时候身上的精液 I'd see the day when I left a knocking shop
比来的时候还要多 with more spunk than I came in with.
-谢谢 -很感谢 小兄弟 - Thank you. - Thanks very much, son.
告诉你 格斯 这是唯一我不介意的 I tell you, Gus, this is the only kind of networking
跟印度社区做的交流 I don't mind doing with the Indian community.
我一直都钟爱美味的咖喱 I do love a good curry all the same.
实际上伊迪丝和我打算明年 Edith and I, we're actually thinking of
去斯里兰卡度假 going to Sri Lanka next year for our holidays.
-还不确定 -给我看看你的乳头 - I don't know. - Show us your tits.
你先给我看 我就给你看 Show me yours, I'll show you mine.
派对游戏 都聚过来 Party games. Gather round.
我记得以前在悉尼工作的时候 I remember when I used to work in Sydney,
我们就在圣诞派对上玩这个游戏 we played this party game at the chrimbo party.
什么游戏 What was that, then?
不 听着 现场有女士 Oh, no. Listen, there's ladies present,
所以我不好说 凯伦 Karen, so I better not say.
拜托 罗伯 Come on, Robbo,
别他妈的有种开始 没种结束啊 don't start something you cannot fucking finish, man.
说吧 布鲁斯 Come on, Brucie.
-说吧 布鲁斯 -好吧 - Come on, Brucie. - All right.
快点啊 老兄 说吧 Well, come on, pal. Let's go, man.
那我就说吧 雷蒙德 OK, then, Raymondo.
我们要做的是 What we would do is,
所有人都去打印室 all the men would go to the photocopying room.
一个接一个 并无冒犯之意 One by one, of course. No offence if that's your thing.
我们要做的就是 And what we'd do is
影印出一张小弟弟的图像 we would photocopy an image of our wedding tackle.
就知道是这样 Oh, I just knew what was going on here!
然后其中一位姑娘会把它们钉在公告栏上 And then one of the sheilas would pin it to a notice board.
接下来就轮到姑娘们 It'd then be up to the lassies to match the male member
找出与图像匹配的男士 with the corresponding owner.
-这什么馊主意啊 -我们开始吧 - What a load of bollocks, man. - Let's do it.
放大
来吧 Come on!
用你的马屌操我 Fuck me with that horse's cock.
什么 What?
来 朋友们 再来一轮 Here we go, lads, another round.
那他妈的是谁啊 Who the fuck is that?
彼得 彼得 Peter. Peter!
人家好久没见你了 小亲亲 I haven't seen you in such a long time, sweetie.
你藏到哪里去了 Where have you been hiding?
你还带了些朋友来嘛 Brought some friends along, I see.
操 你谁啊 Who the fuck are you?
听着 我不认识这人 Here, I don't know this guy.
不好意思 我没注意到场合不对 Sorry, I didn't realise it was that kind of scene.
彼得可是很敏感的呢 Huh! Peter can be so sensitive.
我他妈根本不认识你 好吗 Ho! I don't fucking know you! OK?
别激动啊 Hey, hey, hey. Come on, man.
我不认识这个人啊 雷 But I don't know the guy, Ray.
但他好像认识你啊 Well, he seems to know you.
厕所墙上的字是你他妈写的对不对 You wrote that fucking shite on the toilet wall, didn't you?
我写你妈 可能就是你男友之一写的 Did I fuck! Probably one of your fucking boyfriends.
你真让我恶心 把脸从我的鸡巴上移开 You disgust me. Get your face off my cock!
别碰我 你这爱吃鸡巴的 Get off me, you fucking cocksucker!
别想替吉尔曼辩解 Don't even think about defending Gillman.
我会考虑那件事中我的立场的 鲍勃 Well, I'm gonna have to consider my position on that one, Bob.
布鲁斯 现在光是那宗谋杀案 Bruce, things are bloody difficult for me at the moment
就他妈已经够让我头疼了 with this murder case nuisance.
除此之外 还有一个潜在的 On top of that, not only is there
纳粹恐同种族主义者 a latent Nazi racist homophobe
和一个戴着警帽的彩虹男孩 but a bloody jessie boy in the hat for the inspector's post.
听着 你在这指的是 Now, listen, are you referring to
英格利斯老弟吗 因为如果是的话 Brother Inglis here? Cos if you are...
我们怎么能让有他这种情况的人 How can we have someone of his disposition
领导手下的警员 leading fellow officers?
管他政策不政策的 Policy or no bloody policy,
我不得不承认我觉得 I won't pretend I don't
两个男人互相做那种事 find the idea of two men doing it to each other...
真是太倒胃口了 totally disgusting.
不过那不是重点 But that's by the way.
我还是无法理解 I still don't see what that's got to do...
拜托 布鲁斯 Oh, come on, Bruce.
你怎么能对一个 How can you have confidence in a man
看着你就想象你的裸体 who is constantly undressing you with his eyes,
对着你照片手淫的人放心呢 masturbating over images of you?
那只能算是妥协 It'd just be a compromise.
这样有点顽固不化啊 鲍勃 Surely that's a bit caveman, Bob.
现在在英国某些地方 In some parts of the country
警方甚至都在基佬杂志登广告了 the force even advertise in the gay press now.
这里又不是英国某个地方 This isn't some parts of the country.
这里是苏格兰 老天哪 This is Scotland, by Christ!
我跟布鲁斯玩的这个分分合合的游戏 Me and Bruce play these break-up/make-up games,
让我们内心更加渴望爱 but it only makes our hearts grow fonder.
某种意义上来说我们从未分开 In a sense we're always together,
因为不管是什么 because nothing...
空间 时间 或者距离 Space, time, or distance,
都无法破坏我们的甜蜜关系 can break our delicious communion.
您的饮料 先生 Here are your drinks, sir.
谢谢 小姐 谢谢 Merci, Fraulein, merci.
但是异性肛交并不代表有厌女的倾向 But heterosexual anal sex need not imply an attitude of misogyny.
我在邦蒂的一本杂志里看到过 I read in one of Bunty's magazines
20%的异性恋伴侣喜欢肛交 that 20% of heterosexual couples enjoy anal sex
而只有50%的同性恋伴侣喜欢 while only 50% of homosexual couples do.
什么 照你这么说 What, are you saying that
有一半的基佬在插的时候 half the fucking poofs walking about down there
其实不是对着屁眼干的了 don't actually do each other up the fucking arsehole?
布鲁斯 我只是说杂志是那么写的 Bruce, I was only telling you what the article said.
好吧 那我说一说 Aye, and I'll tell you something else
对那些破饶舌音乐的看法 about all that fucking rap music, man.
就他妈是在放狗屁 It's all fucking bullshit
因为我也在杂志里读到篇文章 cos I read this article,
准确说是医学杂志 proper, medical.
写道白人女性愿意口交的概率 It says that white women, right, are 10 times more likely
是黑人女性的十倍 to give blowjobs than black women.
为什么差这么多呢 So where does that leave them?
黑人直接开干 这就是原因 老兄 Up the fucking spout without a blowjob, that's where, pal.
除非他们专挑正在吹箫的 Well, unless it's the white women who they're referring to
白人女性调查 who are actually performing the fellatio.
告诉你 布雷西 Let me tell you something, Bladesey.
除非哪个白妞脑子被驴踢了 Only a white bird who was not right in the fucking head
不然别指望她们愿意给你口 would even think about going with one of them.
1865年以前这里都称不上是一个国家 It wasn't even a country until 1865.
鱼市场 演员汉斯·亚伯斯故居 Fish market, the actor Hans Albers
和圣保利足球俱乐部 and FC St Pauli football club.
在那破目录里查查"阴道"这个词 Get into the fucking index and look up fucking "Fanny".
绳索街 红灯区 The Reeperbahn, the red light district.
拍张照看看傻逼长啥样 Need to take a picture of what a cunt looks like.
能把它放进瓶子里吗 Can you put that in a bottle?
别 别碰 布鲁斯 不允许触摸的 No. Don't touch it, Bruce. You're not allowed to touch it.
历史总他妈得让人能够触摸吧 You've got to be able to touch fucking history.
不 不可以的 布鲁斯 No, you can't, Bruce.
布鲁斯 Bruce!
布鲁斯 布鲁斯 Bruce! Bruce!
布鲁斯 Bruce!
同志电影院 色情电影院
这是真的妓女吗 Is this a real prostitute?
肛交[德语] 她跟我走 50吧 Arschficken, me and her. 50?
-肛交 50成交 -多谢 - Arschficken. 50. - Thanks very much.
走吧 布伦希尔德 Right, Brunhilde.
我叫克利福德 My name's Clifford.
布雷西 别不戴套啊 Bladesey, don't go bareback.
我是双子座的 I'm a Gemini.
我能喝杯水吗 Can I just have a glass of water?
不行 我给你准备了点别的东西 Not at all. I've got something else in mind for you.
快看快看快看 Here, here, here, here, here.
看那两个 看那两个 Look at these two. Look at these two.
俩基佬 真恶心 Fucking bufties. Disgusting.
他妈恶心到 Absolutely fucking...
想吐 disgusting.
我自己从来没觉得有兴趣 I've never seen the attraction of it myself.
干杯 老兄 Cheers, pal.
干杯 Cheers.
布雷西 把外套脱了 Bladesey, just take your coat off.
你全身烫得要死 快他妈把 You're overheating, man. Just fucking...
布雷西 我 Bladesey, I...
你他妈给我冷静下来 I need you to fucking calm yourself down.
你把我的旅行计划都毁了 You're really messing with my fucking trip.
冷静下... Calm your...
他妈的快给我冷静下来 冷静点 Fucking calm yourself, man. Calm yourself.
滚吧 Fuck off...
你就自生自灭吧 布雷西 You're on your fucking own, Bladesey.
滚蛋 Fuck off!
操 别碰我 Get your fucking hands off me!
快滚 Piss off!
卡洛 Carole.
别 史黛西在哪 No. Where's Stacey?
史黛西在哪 史黛西在哪 Where's Stacey? Where's Stacey?
喂 Hello?
知道现在几点吗 布鲁斯 Do you know what time it is, Bruce?
立刻过来上班 Get into work right now.
好的 我大概 25分钟内到 Right, I'll be in in, say, 25 minutes.
警方为隧道谋杀案寻找金发目击者
你想 You wanted to...
见我 see me?
坐吧 Take a seat.
你应该很清楚 布鲁斯 As you obviously know, Bruce,
在你缺席期间 Amanda took a lead role
阿曼达接管了谋杀案的调查 in the murder investigation in your absence.
经过慎重考虑 I have decided after some deliberation
我决定让她继续负责这个案子 that this should remain the case.
你他妈的玩我呢啊 You have got to be fucking joking me!
-你说什么 -你聋了吗 - I beg your pardon? - Are you deaf?
希望你能全力以赴地配合她 I expect you to give her your full co-operation.
你走之后 Since you've been away
媒体又开始把这案子挖出来了 the media have taken an interest again.
媒体公关正是 Press relations is exactly the kind of area
阿曼达所擅长的领域 that Amanda here is strong in.
阿曼达 你能跟布鲁斯 Amanda, can you please brief Bruce
简要说明下最新进展吗 on the latest developments?
好的 鲍勃 Yes, Bob.
格斯已经告诉了我最新进展 Gus has already filled me in,
所以不必麻烦了 so there's really no need.
格斯根本就没参与 布鲁斯 Gus isn't on the ball, Bruce!
好吧 那尽管说吧 曼迪 OK, then, Mandy, fire away.
我们会带戈尔曼来审讯 We're going to have to bring in Gorman for questioning.
我可不觉得这是个好主意 曼迪 Not so sure that's a good idea there, Mandy.
他是个惯犯 You see, he's a hardened criminal
背后还有康拉德·唐纳森这样的律师在支持 and with a lawyer like Conrad Donaldson behind him
他可以为所欲为 could go either way.
骑行之旅不错啊 布鲁斯 Nice cycling trip, Bruce?
别开这种无聊玩笑了 回到案子上好吗 Enough with the idle banter. Shall we crack on with the case?
要不就从找到你忘了告诉我们的 Maybe start by finding this blonde witness
金发目击者开始吧 you forgot to tell us about.
这次要对付的这些家伙狡诈的很 These are crafty bastards we're dealing with.
需要有确凿的证据 We need hard evidence.
我去找找看 好吗 I'll just go and get some, eh?
布鲁斯 能谈谈吗 Bruce, can I have a word?
当然可以了 甜心 Course you can, sweetheart.
你提及我的时候一定要这么居高临下吗 Do you have to refer to me in that condescending way?
曼迪 你想太多了吧 Mandy, you're taking this far too seriously.
我叫阿曼达 My name is Amanda.
你觉得你他妈 You think you've got a chance
能拿到晋升机会吗 of getting this fucking promotion, don't you?
布鲁斯 Bruce.
-有人来看你 -过一会再 - Someone here to see you. - Maybe in a wee min...
稍后继续 We'll continue this later.
彼得 我们能单独聊吗 Maybe a wee bit of privacy, eh, Peter?
我上周来过 他们说你在休假 I came last week, but they told me you were on holiday.
我就是想亲自谢谢你 I wanted to thank you personally
谢谢你为科林做的一切 for everything you did for Colin.
好 我希望当时能帮到更多 Aye. Aye, well, I just wish I could have done more to help him.
他就是那个帮忙救你爸爸的人 This is the man who tried to save your daddy.
其他人都袖手旁观的时候是他挺身而出 He helped when the others just stood back and watched.
他是个好人 儿子 He's a fine man, son.
希望你长大后也能变成他那样 I'd like you to be like him when you grow up.
他们说这是你最喜欢的队伍的颜色 They said it was your favourite team's colours so...
所以我特地织了这个 I knitted it especially.
我只想说 I just wanted to say...
圣诞快乐 Merry Christmas.
跟警探说再见 尤安 Say bye to the detective, Euan.
-再见 -再见 小子 - Bye-bye. - Bye-bye, pal.
等等 等等 别 别走 Here, here, here... Don't... Don't go. Um... Just...
这是 This is...
这是我的 This is just my...
这是我家里电话 It's my home telephone number.
和我的住址 And my home address.
万一你需要我帮什么忙 In case you ever need any help.
无论什么事 For anything.
多谢 Thanks.
你知道德拉蒙德跟我说什么吗 Do you know what Drummond says to me?
她说要带戈尔曼来审讯 She tells me that we've got to bring in Gorman for questioning.
我就当面嘲笑了她 然后拍屁股走人 I just laughed in her face and then I fucked off.
你觉得我做得怎么样 What do you think of that?
干得漂亮 老兄 Aye, nice job, mate.
-是啊 -嗯 - Aye. - Yeah.
这些年轻人 雷 这些年轻人啊 These young ones, Ray. These fucking young ones!
我去拿酒来 I'll get the drinks in.
听着 罗伯 我有些话想跟你说 Listen, Robbo, I've got something to tell you.
我事先告诉你 I don't want you getting the wrong idea
是不想你误会 and this is why I'm letting you know first.
听着 我真的很想进那个部门没错 Listen, I really want to get on in the department, right,
但我经验还不足 对吧 but I've not got enough experience, though, eh?
我不知道 雷 I don't know, Ray.
这要取决于你的个人能力了 All depends on how good you are, doesn't it?
我甚至考虑过申请探长的职位 I mean, I even thought about applying for the inspector's job.
我是觉得 You know, but I just thought it
参加选拔的过程本身也能让我得到锻炼 was a good idea to get some practice with the...
算是个不错的机会 you know, with the selection procedures.
-你觉得呢 -没坏处啊 兄弟 - What do you think? - Cannot do you any harm, pal.
你说得对 没坏处的 高调一回 You're right. It can't do any harm, you know, flying up a kite,
让他们好好认识认识雷·伦诺克斯 just so they know who Ray fucking Lennox is, eh?
你得提防着某些狡猾的混蛋 You need to watch some sly bastards.
-什么意思 -我的意思是 - What do you mean? - I'm just saying
你需要提防某些狡猾的混蛋 that you need to watch some sly bastards.
比如谁 谁 Like who? Who?
格斯 Gus.
-格斯·贝恩 -对 - Gus Bain? - Aye.
不过 他跟我一直很好啊 I mean, he's always been all right with me, man, you know.
他对你的业余爱好 He's been taking quite an interest
一直饶有兴趣 in the extracurricular activities
雷·伦诺克斯 of a certain Ray Lennox.
要是格斯·贝恩在你边上 Just watch what you say about Bonnie Prince Charlie here
最好别提吸粉的事儿 明白吗 when Gus Bain is around. Do you understand me?
你知道我从来不会 You know, I would never say anything
跟人聊这个的 about the chang to anybody, you know?
但要是那个爱打小报告的在旁边 But I will definitely watch what I fucking say
我肯定会多加留意的 around that sly old fucking grasser now, eh?
他妈的现在谁也不能相信了 是吗 You cannot fucking trust anybody any more, can you?
我必须光鲜亮丽 I must look divine,
尤其是在这群怪胎之中 especially in the middle of this bunch of freaks.
他们都喜欢卡洛·罗伯森 They all fancy Carole Robertson, see?
你可以看 但你不能摸 Well, you can look, but you can't touch.
只有一个人能占有我 There's only one person that can have me.
不过 如果他真的想要我 Although, if he really wants me,
他必须得先晋升成功 he'll have to get that promotion.
时不待人 Time waits for no man.
你在吃什么呢 宝贝 Yeah? What have you got, darling?
-怎么样 好吃吗 -太好吃了 - What do you think? Is it nice? - Oh, it's quite nice.
好了 That's it.
你好呀 宝贝 Hello, darling.
朝镜头挥挥手 宝贝 Wave to the camera, darling.
我不确定这个怎么样 布鲁斯 I'm not too sure about this one, Bruce.
-喂 -我敢说 - Hello? - I bet...
你一直在想我 对吧 邦蒂 you've been thinking about me a lot, haven't you, Bunty?
我一直在不停地想你 I haven't stopped thinking about you.
但他们肯定都让你别理我 I bet they told you to ignore me, though.
-对吧 -没错 - Didn't they? - Oh yes,
他们还真他妈是这么说的 they fucking did.
但是 But...
这实在是 This is
太好玩了 弗兰克 so much more fun, Frank.
你想不想 Would you...
什么 What?
你想不想 Would you
看看我的大鸡巴 like to see my cock,
邦蒂 Bunty?
我想要做的可不止这个呢 弗兰克 I'd like to do more than that, Frank.
我想要 I'd like to
把你的大鸡巴含在嘴里 put your cock in my fucking mouth.
这才是我想做的 That's what I would like to do.
然后我还想 And then I would like you
把你的大鸡巴 to put your cock
插进我美丽的肉体里 inside of my fucking beautiful body.
这就是我想要的 弗兰克 That's what I would like, Frank,
用你最快的速度插我 and for you to go as fast as you can.
快啊 弗兰克 Fucking go as fast
快点操我 弗兰克 as you can, Frank!
操我 操我 Fuck me. Fuck me!
这就是我想要的 弗兰克 That's what I'd like, Frank.
圣诞颂歌好听吗 How's the lovely carol at Christmas?
多温馨的圣诞颂歌呀 A lovely Christmas carol.
对吗 Yes?
痛苦越深 药罐子就越大 Bigger pain, bigger jar.
药片也越大 布鲁斯 对吗 Bigger pills, Bruce, yes?
操你妈 卡洛·罗伯森 Fuck you, Carole Robertson!
勒我 布鲁斯 Turn off my gas, Bruce!
操你妈 道吉·吉尔曼 Fuck you, Dougie Gillman!
抑郁症患者 Repressed people.
是世上最值得同情的人了 You have to pity them more than anything else.
在遇到布鲁斯之前 我就是 I was like that before I met Bruce.
不过他拯救了我的灵魂 But he brought me out of myself.
我们的性爱俱乐部正是为此而建 That's what our sex club was about.
布鲁斯知道我们的小游戏和各种调情 Bruce knows that our wee games and flirtations
只是为了增强我们之间的爱 only serve to strengthen our love
让我们的爱面对真实本性的挑战 by making it confront its true nature.
我现在变成一个更优秀的人了 I'm a better person now.
脱胎换骨 A different person.
那个臭婊子把我甩了 The fucking bitch has left me.
那婊子在天杀的圣诞节把我甩了 Christmas fucking Day and the bitch leaves me.
圣诞快乐 罗伯 Merry Christmas, Robbo!
你也是 格斯 你也是 Aye, same to you, Gus. Same to you.
圣诞有什么计划 So what's your plans, then?
还是老一套的家庭聚会呗 Ah, just the usual family shite and all that.
我也是 Me, too.
操 Fuck!
你没事吧 布鲁斯 Are you all right, Bruce?
没事 Oh, aye.
-你没事吧 罗伯 -没事 - Are you all right, Robbo? - Aye.
-圣诞快乐 头儿 -少给我来这套 - Happy Christmas, sir. - Don't you "Happy Christmas" me.
你说什么 Come again?
看看你现在这个鬼样子 布鲁斯 Look at the state you're in, Bruce.
你简直给我们警队丢脸 You're a disgrace to the force.
谋杀案还没破 This murder case is still hanging over us
而且你也还没找到 and you haven't even managed
给布雷兹家打骚扰电话的人 to find the Blades' phantom phone-caller.
我就快变成工会的笑柄了 I am quickly becoming the laughing-stock of the Lodge.
而且你也差不多要失去 And you are about to lose
晋升的机会了 any chance you ever had of this promotion.
不不不不不 No, no, no, no, no, no.
我知道电话骚扰狂是谁了 头儿 I know who the pervert is, sir.
是克利福德·布雷兹 It's Clifford Blades.
就是克利福德·布雷兹本人 头儿 It's Clifford Blades himself, sir.
我会找到证据的 I'll get you proof.
不 不 不 不 不 不 Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
碳酸锂片 主治躁郁症
戴维 Davie.
戴维 那不是我的错 Davie, it wasn't my fault.
不是我的 It wasn't my...
听你留言好像情况很紧急 Your message sounded urgent,
所以我就直接赶过来了 so I came straight over.
不过我本来也就打算过来给你送礼物 I wanted to drop your present off anyway
因为我要去英格兰探望双亲了 because I'm going to England to see my parents.
我母亲身体不太好了 Mother's not very well.
邦蒂不太愿意让我去 Bunty's not best pleased about me going.
那变态还在不停地给她打电话 This creep just won't stop phoning her.
我 我可没给你准备礼物 I... I never got you anything.
没关系啊 Doesn't matter.
很高兴见到你 哥们 It's good to see you, pal.
能见到个人真好 Good to see somebody.
见到你真好 Good to see you.
喝点威士忌吗 心情会好点 You want a wee whisky? Cheer you up.
不了 还是不喝的好 我要开车 No, best not. I'm driving.
你他妈给我坐下 老兄 You'll fucking sit down, man!
你今晚就住这儿了 明天再走 好吗 You'll stay over here tonight and you'll go tomorrow, ok?
就这样 OK.
你太太不会介意吗 Won't your wife mind?
她回娘家了 她娘家在阿维莫尔 She's at her mum's. Her mum's in Aviemore.
她有心脏病 快挂了 Old bird's on her last legs with heart disease.
我很遗憾 I'm sorry to hear that.
不用 用不着遗憾 No, don't fucking worry about it.
这老东西自找的 Stupid slag brought it on herself.
每天吃那么多巧克力 See, the amount of chocolate,
抽烟喝酒也那么凶 她不死谁死啊 booze and fags she consumes, it is fucking criminal.
那你女儿呢 What about your daughter?
妈的 别他妈跟我拉家常了 Christ, that's enough of the family pish!
现在 Now...
给你来一杯单一麦芽威士忌 I've got a cheeky wee single malt here for you.
只给有品位的人喝 49年纯酿 Only for the developed palate, 49 years aged.
圣诞快乐 爱咋咋 Merry Christmas and all that shite.
老友一起喝上一杯也无伤大雅 Well, I suppose one between friends couldn't hurt.
-圣诞快乐 -快乐吗 - Happy Christmas. - Is it?
威士忌喝得爽吗 布雷西 How are you getting on with that whisky then, Bladesey?
我已经有点晕了 布鲁斯 Feel a bit tipsy, Bruce.
大家好啊 欢迎收看《奇幻... Hello and welcome to the Fantastic...
曼彻斯特 曼彻斯特 Manchester! Manchester!
-到你喊了 -不要 - You do it, man. - No.
来嘛 试试 Come on, give it a try.
不要 真不要 布鲁斯 No, really, Bruce.
-来嘛 过圣诞嘛 -不是我的风格 - Come on, it's Christmas. - It's not in my nature.
来嘛 别他妈的扫兴嘛 Come on, don't be such a fucking spoilsport.
女士们先生们 Ladies and gentlemen,
我叫弗兰克·西德博特姆 my name is Frank Sidebottom.
我是弗兰克·西德博特姆 I'm Frank Sidebottom.
我叫弗兰克·西德博特姆 My name is Frank Sidebottom.
你能来访真是个小惊喜 This is a lovely surprise.
我最好的哥们出门了 I was just checking up
我得替他照看下老婆 on my best mate's missus while he was away,
确保她平安无事啊 对吧 seeing she was safe and secure and all that, you know?
真搞不明白你怎么会跟他做朋友 I don't know why you bother with him.
他那么弱 He's weak.
不像你 Not like you.
不 不 不 要我说 No, no, no, he's...
他是个非常好的人 he's one of the best, I say.
我真这么觉得 他人超好 That's what I say. He's one of the best.
真希望我也有像你这样忠诚的朋友 Oh, I wish I had a friend who was as loyal as you.
你干这行肯定见过不少恶劣的事 You must see some terrible things in your line of work.
是啊 的确是 Aye, I do. I really do, you know?
但你也只能 只能认了 But you just... you just deal with it.
就像你一样 邦蒂 Like you do, Bunty,
像你对付这个电话骚扰狂一样 with this prank phone-caller.
你好像完全没被他影响到 是吗 You don't seem to let it get to you, do you?
我就是让他这么以为的 Well, that's what I try to make him think.
但是 内心深处还是受到了极大伤害 But, you know, it hurts terribly.
我只希望克利福德能像你一样强壮 I just wish Clifford could be as strong as you.
操 Fuck.
操 等一下 Fuck! Wait a minute.
这样不对 克利福挺好的 This is wrong. Cliff's all right.
这 这实在是太不对了 This is... this is really wrong.
不 不 不 No, no, no!
不 没事 没关系 这感觉太对了 No, it's... it's... it's OK. This is so right.
不 不 No, no!
-怎么了 -我只是 - What's wrong? - It's just the...
-只是什么 -我只是 - Just what? - It's just...
我觉得克利福可能就是骚扰你的变态 I think Cliff might be your phantom phone-caller.
别搞笑了 快点啊 Oh, don't be ridiculous. Come on.
女士们先生们 Ladies and gentlemen,
我叫弗兰克·西德博特姆 my name is Frank Sidebottom.
是弗兰克·西德博特姆 It's Frank Sidebottom.
女士们先生们 Ladies and gentlemen,
我叫弗兰克·西德博特姆 my name is Frank Sidebottom.
是弗兰克·西德博特姆 It's Frank Sidebottom.
天啊 Oh, my God!
布鲁斯 Ah, Bruce eh?
操 Fuck.
还是你希望我用你弟弟的名字来叫你呢 Or would you like me to call you by your little brother's name,
是叫戴维 对吗 Davie, yes?
-什么 -弟弟 布鲁斯 - What? - Baby brothers, Bruce.
多烦人啊 Such a nuisance.
但你本该照顾好弟弟戴维的 对吗 But you were supposed to look out for little brother Davie, yes?
不 不 我没有 No, no, I wasn't.
带着他去偷煤是你的主意 对吗 It was your idea to steal the coal, though, yes?
不 是戴维的主意 No, that was Davie's idea.
外加你希望取悦你的父亲 The added incentive of trying to please your father.
你说"我们去爬煤山吧" "Let's climb the coal mountain," you said.
没错 只是小孩子玩游戏而已 医生 That's it. Just little boys playing games, Doctor.
游戏啊 布鲁斯 The games, Bruce.
游戏啊 游戏规则照旧 The games. The same rules apply, though.
"我才是城堡的主人 "I'm the king of the castle!
快滚下去小混蛋" Get down you, dirty rascal!"
然后你就把他推下去了 Then you pushed him off.
不 我没有 不 我没有 No, I never. No, I fucking never!
-不是一时冲动 -不 我没有 - Not an angry push... - No, I didn't.
只是兄弟间的推搡而已 Just a brotherly shove.
手足之爱 兄弟间的推搡 Brotherly love, a brotherly shove.
因为小戴维不管做什么 Because wee Davie was better at everything
都比他哥哥 "另外那个小子"强 than his big brother, "the other laddie".
村里人都这么叫他 That's what they used to say in the village.
"戴维·罗伯森和另外那个小子" "Davie Robertson and the other laddie."
你只不过是 You're still just
"另外那个小子"而已 是吧 "the other laddie", aren't you?
你滚开 You fuck off!
"滚开" 你一边喊着 "Fuck off", you shout,
一边把他推下了煤山 as you push him down the slag pile.
他掉到了山底 哭喊着求救 He's at the bottom, screaming for help
黑色煤球不断滚落 as the black stuff rushes down,
渐渐把你弟弟淹没 smothering your brother underneath.
不 我有试着救他 No, I tried to save him.
然后那个被你称作父亲的男人 Then the man you call father,
蹲在他唯一认可的儿子的尸体旁 crouching beside the body of his real son,
这个畜生害死了他 this thing killed him.
是这小恶魔害死了我儿子 This bastard spawn of the devil killed my laddie.
"你就是污垢" "You are filth!"
不 不 No! No!
不 我不是 No, no...
你在女厕所里做什么 布鲁斯 What are you doing in the women's toilets, Bruce?
滚一边去 德拉蒙德 Fuck off, Drummond.
你可能会说这不关我的事 You can say it's none of my business.
这他妈本来就不关你的事 It's none of your fucking business!
你怎么会跑去女厕所 布鲁斯 What were you doing in the women's toilets, Bruce?
我很抱歉 Look, I'm sorry.
我当时只是觉得有点不舒服 行吗 I'm just feeling a bit wrong at the moment. OK?
行啊 不过如果你想找人聊聊的话 OK, well, if you want to talk about it,
我随时奉陪 then I'm here.
你少给我装什么大慈大悲救苦救难 Spare me your airy-fairy, namby-pamby, care-in-the-community,
普渡众生的圣母 human-resources, left-wing bullshit.
我只是担心你而已 布鲁斯 Well, I'm just worried about you, Bruce.
你说什么 What did you say?
我说我担心你 布鲁斯 I said, I'm worried about you, Bruce.
是吗 我明白了 你担心我 Oh, right, I see. You're worried about me.
你少臭美了 Oh, don't flatter yourself.
你就是个蠢不拉几的小人 I think you're a silly, silly, little, little man.
你喜欢我 You fancy me.
我对你毫无兴趣 I have no interest in you,
只不过我们得一起共事 apart from us having to work together.
你就听从自己的内心吧 宝贝 Just give in to your instincts, darling.
天啊 你真是可悲 Oh, God, you're pathetic.
-你太可悲了 你是个酒鬼 -滚 - You're pathetic. You're an alcoholic. - Fuck off.
你一身臭味 你知道吗 布鲁斯 You stink. Do you know what, Bruce?
你就是那种专挑脆弱傻女人下手 You're the kind of sad case that preys on weak, stupid women
好满足自己所剩无几的自尊的可悲家伙 in order to boost your own shattered ego!
圣诞节那天晚上你跟凯伦是怎么回事 What about Karen the other night at the Christmas party?
她都喝得烂醉了 布鲁斯 She was wasted, Bruce.
那只能怪她自己不该喝酒了 不是吗 Well, she shouldn't have fucking drunk then, should she?
她自己想喝 于是她就喝了 She wanted a drink, so she had one.
她自己想被人上 于是我也就上了她 She wanted a ride, so she had one of them as well.
所以少把我说成强奸犯一样 So, don't treat me like a fucking rapist!
老天啊 再说你对她那么感兴趣做什么 Jesus Christ, what are you so interested in her for anyway?
你是拉拉吗 Are you a lesbian?
我才不是拉拉呢 布鲁斯 I'm not a bloody lesbian, Bruce.
我有男朋友 而且他比你年轻得多 I have a boyfriend and he's far younger than you
聪明得多 and he's far more intelligent than you
而且他下面天赋异禀 and he's far better endowed than you,
不像你 "放大复印先生" Mr Photocopier Enlargement.
你他妈的说我什么 What did you fucking say?
来啊 你他妈倒是动手啊 布鲁斯 Go on, fucking hit me, Bruce!
你要打我吗 布鲁斯 Are you gonna hit me, Bruce? Yeah?
不 No.
亲爱的 我很抱歉 Oh, my darling, I'm sorry.
你让我作呕 You sicken me.
看到你就难受 还需要说得更直白点吗 You repulse me. Can I make that any fucking plainer?
我没打算伤害你的 I wasn't gonna hurt you, you know?
我不是故意的 I didn't mean it.
作为你的同事 As your colleague
作为人类 我要告诉你 布鲁斯 and as a human being, I'm telling you, Bruce,
你得好好理理自己的人生了 you've got some stuff to sort out.
知道吗 也许那样你才能成为 OK? Then you might become the sort of person
你心里想要成为的那种人 that you seem to imagine yourself to be,
虽然天知道你到底想成为什么样的人 although Christ only knows what that is.
我以前工作很出色的 阿曼达 I used to be good at this job, Amanda.
我也曾是个好人 I used to be a good person.
是 我听说了 Yeah. I heard that.
-你有妻室吗 布鲁斯 -有 - Have you got a wife, Bruce? - Yeah.
有孩子吗 Have you got any kids?
史黛西 Stacey.
她们大概已经抛弃我了 I think they've left me.
我觉得我的家人都不要我了 I think my family have left me.
我不知道怎么会这样 I don't know how.
我记不起来为什么了 I can't remember why.
好吧 OK.
我肯定出毛病了 You see, there's something wrong with me.
我出了很严重的毛病 There's something seriously wrong with me.
你跟别人聊过吗 去看过医生吗 Have you spoken to anyone? Have you been to see a doctor?
-看过 -是吗 - Yeah. - Yeah?
没有 No.
我不知道 我不知道 I don't know. I don't know.
不 是我掌控着一切 No, I'm in charge.
我才是掌控自己的人 I'm in charge of me.
我才是掌管这次调查的人 I'm in charge of this investigation
你他妈给我记清楚了 and don't you ever fucking forget that.
布鲁斯 你得听我说 你在听吗 OK, Bruce. You need to listen to me. Can you hear me?
我真的很担心你 I'm really worried about you.
我觉得你现在的状态不适合继续工作 I don't think you're fit for work at the moment.
你去楼上随便舔谁的鸡巴去吧 Just you go up there and suck someone's cock
少他妈在我面前装业余心理学家 and stop playing the amateur fucking psychologist,
你个巫婆 you evil witch!
罗伯 Hey, Robbo.
你们是不是扣押了 Are you holding a guy
一个叫克利福德·布雷兹的人 by the name of Clifford Blades?
你以前有猜到他会那么变态吗 Do you ever get the impression he was a pervert?
快他妈把钥匙给我 Just give me the fucking keys!
你这下贱的蠢货 You piss-taking little fart!
怎么了 布鲁斯 What's wrong, Bruce?
你从一开始就在骗我 对吧 You strung me along from the fucking start! Didn't you?
不是我干的 It wasn't me.
你要相信我 不是我干的 You have to believe it wasn't me.
你别逼我打烂你的脸 Don't make me punch your face through your shoulders
再塞进你屁眼 你这死变态 and out through your fucking arse, you speccy wee fanny!
为什么 Why?
为什么要把我卷进来 克利福 Why did you drag me into this, Cliff?
为什么要把我跟你一起卷进来 Why did you drag me into this with you?
你不是我的好兄弟吗 You're supposed to be my mate.
我没有 我们是好兄弟啊 布鲁斯 I didn't. We are mates, Bruce.
你是我最好的朋友 布鲁斯 You're my best friend, Bruce.
你是我最好的朋友 You're my best friend.
为什么要欺负我 布鲁斯 Why do you bully me, Bruce?
-什么 -为什么要这么做 - What? - Why do you do it?
因为 Because...
因为我他妈就是控制不了自己 because I can't fucking help myself.
布鲁斯 布鲁斯 布鲁斯 Bruce! Bruce! Bruce!
布鲁斯 布鲁斯 Bruce! Bruce!
布鲁斯 布鲁斯 布鲁斯 Bruce! Bruce! Bruce!
操 Fuck!
我打电话到警局找过你 你去哪了 I tried to call you at work. Where have you been?
-布鲁斯 道吉进医院了 -然后呢 - Bruce, Dougie's in hospital. - And?
他自杀未遂 He tried to kill himself.
割腕 Slashed his wrists.
他发现咱俩的事了 布鲁斯 He found out about us, Bruce.
他承受不了那种耻辱 就崩溃了 Couldn't take the humiliation of that and getting suspended.
这怎么会是我的错呢 全是你的错 How's that my fault? That's all your fault!
天啊 这地方臭死了 My God, this place fucking stinks.
你他妈赶紧给我滚 I just need you to fucking leave!
-来吧 -不 不 不 - Come on. - No, no, no.
我想跟你玩窒息 I wanna turn off the gas for you.
克里西 别这样 克里西 Chrissie, don't. Chrissie.
我想跟你玩窒息 I wanna turn off the gas for you.
克里西 给我滚 Chrissie, I need you to leave!
来啊 来他妈跟我玩窒息 Come on! I wanna turn off the fucking gas for you!
他妈的 Fucking...
快啊 快他妈给我硬起来啊 Come on, get fucking hard,
你个废物 来啊 进来啊 you silly wee poof! Come on, get it in!
用你的狗鸡巴操我啊 Fuck me with that mouse's cock.
怎么了 你哭得跟个小孩似的 What's wrong? You're crying like a wee laddie.
你已经不好玩了 布鲁斯 知道吗 You're no fun any more, Bruce. You know that?
我不舒服 I'm not well.
到底是怎么了 What's wrong with you, man?
我总幻听 克里西 I hear voices, Chrissie.
还经常出现幻觉 I see things, all the time.
你听到他们说话了吗 Do you ever hear them?
你最近在磕什么药啊 What are you on about?
不管磕的是什么 都该停停了 Whatever it is you're taking, you wanna lay off it.
生活是残酷的 布鲁斯 Life's cruel, Bruce.
生活是残酷的 Life's cruel.
人们问我 卡洛 你和布鲁斯 People ask me, "Carole, how do you and Bruce
是如何让婚姻充满激情的 keep the spice in your marriage?"
我告诉他们 很简单 Well, I tell them it's really simple.
只要全力挑逗他 只要全力挑逗他 I'm just the ultimate tease. I'm just the ultimate tease.
我和布鲁斯其实很像 Me and Bruce, we're not that different.
都清楚自己要什么 We know what we want.
也知道如何达到目的 We know how to get it.
比如他在争取的这次晋升 Like this promotion he's going for.
我们都知道他会胜出 We both know he'll win.
等到他成功那天 And when he does,
罗伯森一家 the Robertson household
将再次成为欢乐幸福的大家庭 is going to be one big happy family again.
"我没开玩笑" "I kid you not."
去兜个风吧 宝贝 You coming for a wee ride, sweetheart?
我就说我见过你 I knew I'd seen you before.
你就是隧道里那个变装男 The fucking freak from the tunnel.
你就是个变态基佬 You are a sick fairy.
我丈夫是警司布鲁斯·罗伯森 My husband is Detective Sergeant Bruce Robertson.
我们得收拾掉这烂猪 We have to go all the way with this pig.
懂我的意思吗 奥基 You know what that means, Ocky?
慢着 慢着 慢着 等一下 Hey, hold on, hold on, hold on, right. Wait a minute.
你不能连条子都弄死了啊 You can't waste a cop, man.
你之前可没说要 You never said you were gonna...
之前搞死亚洲佬的时候被他看见了啊 He saw us do the gook, for fuck's sake!
但死人就不会作证了 But dead cunts tell no tales.
我们把这蠢猪留在这儿烧了 We can torch the place with the pig in it.
看看他包里有什么 Or what's left of him.
刚好是烟熏培根啊 Smokey bacon, man.
你他妈敢动她的东西 Get your fucking hands off her stuff!
你死定了 You fucking die.
我要亲耳听到你惨叫 杀猪般的惨叫 I want to hear you squeal, like the fucking pig you are.
都滚出去 Get fucking out.
别走 你们敢给我走了试试 Don't you leave! Don't you fucking leave!
敢他妈离开这个房间试试 Don't you leave this fucking room!
敢他妈关门试试 操 Don't you fucking close that door! Fuck!
之前有机会为什么不逮捕我们呢 Why didn't you arrest us when you had the chance?
是怕他们发现你是基佬吗 Scared they'd find out you're a fucking queer?
-现在只剩咱俩了 警探 -不 - Just you and me, Detective. - No!
不 No!
我一直都厌恶你们这群蠢猪 You see, I've always hated you fucking pigs.
但不是通常那种厌恶 But not in the normal way
跟其他那些渣滓们不同 your average low-life scum like me hates them.
我有自己特殊的方式 You see, I've always hated them in a special way.
但是你 你不一样 甜心 But you... you're different, sweetheart.
我会让你变成一个诚实的女人 I'll make an honest woman of you yet.
你以为你能干掉我吗 You thought you could take me, eh?
你这变态的 You sick,
性感的 sexy,
小荡妇 wee pansy.
这次你是真惨了啊 布鲁斯 You really fucked up this time, didn't you, Bruce?
救护车马上就到 布鲁斯 Ambulance is on the way, Bruce.
别走 Don't go.
别走 兄弟 Don't go, brother.
我只是想把她留在我身边 I just wanted to keep her close to me, you know?
也许现在说这个不太合适 但是 Might not seem appropriate, but...
新年快乐 罗伯 Happy New Year, Robbo.
新年快乐 Aye, happy New Year.
那个 布鲁斯 Listen, Bruce, um...
显然我们得撤回你的升职申请 We obviously had to withdraw your application for the promotion.
现在你还不太适合去见审查委员会 Now is not the right time for you to meet the board.
你能理解的 对吧 You see that, right?
能 Aye.
而且你要开始穿制服了 布鲁斯 And you're back in uniform, Bruce.
降级处分 It is a demotion.
当然了 布鲁斯 Of course, Bruce,
我想我无需多言 I don't need to tell you that
晋升之后我有多开心 obviously I was chuffed about the promotion.
但对我来说这也是苦乐参半的 But it has been a bittersweet experience for me.
如果你不是 当时有那些问题的话 If you hadn't had the... the issues you've been having,
那升职的人肯定是你 I'm sure you would have walked it.
我猜每个人晋升之后 I suppose everybody feels like this
都会有这种感受吧 when they actually get a promotion.
会考虑该怎么跟老搭档更好地相处 You know, how best to work with old mates and all that.
咱俩的办事方式很不一样 Your methods and mine are very different.
我知道咱俩过去也干了不少好事 And I know we've pulled some stuff in the past,
但是吸毒 招妓这种 but all the coke and the hookers and stuff...
-以后就别搞了 -明白 - that's finito now. - Aye.
明白了吗 小猪罗 You understand, little piggy?
不影响咱俩感情哈 No hard feelings, eh?
不影响咱俩感情 兄弟 No hard feelings, pal.
游戏规则照旧 Same rules apply.
对了 By the way...
我在工会那边见到了你那弱气哥们布雷西 I saw your wee speccy mate Bladesey down the Lodge.
那个电话骚扰狂 The old phantom phone-caller, eh?
我们告诉这变态 We told the sick bastard that
要是他还死性不改就离工会远点儿 he's not welcome at the Craft if he keeps that shite up.
回头见了 See you later, then...
弗兰克 Frank.
不 别 No, don't...
好了 走吧 咱们出去 OK, let's go... Let's get out of here.
史黛西 Stacey!
史 St...
妈的 Oh, shit.
不好意思吓到你了 I'm really sorry for startling you...
不 没 No, it's...
没事 It's OK. It's...
没事的 It's OK.
你还好吧 Are you all right?
你看上去有点 You look a bit...
我只是 Ah, I'm just, um...
我化了妆 I'm just undercover.
我在盯梢 I'm on, um, stakeout and...
是这样的 今晚会有些 You see, there's some really
肮脏邋遢的流浪汉出没 shifty-looking characters in here tonight
我只是伪装成他们中的一员 and I'm just trying to blend in.
走吧 妈妈 我饿了 Come on, Mummy, I'm hungry.
我得带他回家吃饭了 I better get him home for his dinner.
好的 当然了 Aye, right, of course.
-那就回头见了 -别走 - I'll see you around, then. - Don't leave.
喂 罗伯森警探 我是玛丽 Hi, Detective Robertson, it's Mary here.
抱歉 我知道这不关我的事 但是 Sorry, I know it's probably none of my business, but...
我就是问问 我和尤安 Look, um, I was just thinking that maybe
去公园的路上可以顺便过去看看你 me and Euan could pop round on our way to the park.
布雷西 Right. Bladesey.
重要的事先说 Uh, first things first.
赶紧把你那酒瓶底眼镜摘了吧 老兄 You've really got to get rid of the double glazing, pal.
买副隐形眼镜什么的 Get yourself contact lenses or something,
或者做个激光手术 laser eye treatment
因为你戴着那么厚的瓶子底 cos nobody's ever gonna take you seriously
别人就不会真诚待你 staring through those thick milk bottles.
第二件事 Second thing is,
努力让自己变得有男子气概一点 you've really got to try and toughen up.
你很不错 Right, you're a nice guy.
但你太软弱了 But you're very soft.
事实是 别人跟你一样害怕这个世界 Truth is, people are just as scared of the world as you are.
我也害怕这个世界 I'm scared of the world.
只是没让别人看出来而已 I just don't let people see it, that's all.
游戏就是这样的 And that's what the games are.
我没开玩笑 亲爱的亲爱的朋友 I kid you not, my sweet, sweet friend.
你是我最好的朋友 You're my best friend.
我唯一的朋友 My only friend.
但最最重要的是 Most important thing is this, though.
你要让邦蒂重燃对你的渴望 You've got to make Bunty want you again.
也许你会发现 只要立场更坚定一些 You'll probably find that she does actually like you
她其实是挺喜欢你的 if you just asserted yourself a wee bit more.
对她展现你的热情 她肯定会扑向你 You know, you show her passion and she will run to you.
她会爱着你直到天荒地老 She will love you until the day you die.
可能我不太有资格给人提供婚姻建议 I may not be the one to be giving marriage counselling,
但有时候只有犯过错的人 but sometimes it takes a wrongdoer to show you
才能看清其中的真谛 when you're doing wrong.
对不起 布雷西 I'm sorry, Bladesey.
我真的很抱歉 老兄 Really sorry, pal.
邦蒂 Bunty!
游戏规则照旧 Same rules apply.
污垢